This Is Where It Ends

“I don’t know how to put all that into words. I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay in a long time. It isn’t just Mom’s death. Dad—sometimes I’m afraid. And Ty … I’m afraid I’ll lose Ty too.” 

Here, Nijkamp begins to establish the issues in Autumn’s life. This quote establishes Autumn and Tyler's family troubles and characterizes Autumn as thoughtful and tender, a high school senior struggling to find her way. It shows Autumn’s love for Tyler, painting a picture of Tyler before any indication of the tragedy and horror that follows. 

“Autumn’s been training in the music room for months—and I’ve been sending out her applications. Her father may hate her for it, but I’d be a lousy girlfriend if I didn’t see how much it meant to her. It’s her chance out of here, and she deserves to be happy. Even though she can audition at schools closer to home or wait until she’s a senior, she has her sights set on New York. We both did once.” 

In this quote from Sylv’s perspective, Nijkamp begins to develop Sylv and Autumn’s relationship, while establishing Autumn’s dream to follow in her mother’s footsteps and become a ballerina. At play here is Sylv’s thoughtfulness for Autumn, as well as Sylv's emotional investment in their relationship. Sylv hints at an uncertain future between the two girls in the final sentence, as Sylv is headed to Brown University, which is in Rhode Island, not New York. 

“It takes me a second to process his raised arm. At the top of the aisles, everyone pauses, and all eyes turn toward the shadow in the doorway. The word ‘gun’ floats all around me before the crowd silences, stills. I don’t feel panic or shock. There’s just a sense of defeat. This is it.” 

This quote captures the moment Sylv realizes Tyler has locked the students inside the auditorium. One paragraph earlier, Sylv had wondered if that person might be her twin brother, Tomas. It’s a moment of stillness before the narrative’s tragic turn. In the following sentence, Tyler speaks and then fires.

“I don’t—I can’t—‘What the fuck was that?’ Far repeats, louder. Though he knows—we both do. We’ve spent time hunting with my granddad and my sister. We’ve watched plenty of movies. Far grew up in a war zone. We both know the sound of gunshots. But it can’t be. It can’t happen. Not here.” 

Here, Tomas hears Tyler’s gunshots. This quote illustrates that both Tomas and Fareed know what they hear but both want to believe they did not hear it. It captures the moment of disbelief common at the onset of a traumatic event. Also reflected here is Nijkamp’s technique of using italics to demonstrate different degrees of a characters’ psychological state. In this case, italics serve to amplify Tomas’s disbelief. 

“The shooter. Two words that taste sour and foreign. My brother.” 

At this point in Chapter 4, Autumn realizes her brother, Tyler, is the shooter. Note Nijkamp’s use of italics to create two different psychological degrees of intensity. It’s also important to note here that Autumn thinks of the words shooter as foreign, as though a school shooting at Opportunity is something that simply can’t occur. 

“But what they failed to tell us is that running away and saving your own skin is only noble when you don’t leave anyone behind. If I were in the auditorium, I’d want someone to come for me. I’d want there to be hope.” 

This quote from Tomas’s perspective captures the determining moments before Tomas and Fareed decide to take action and try to save their fellow classmates from the shooting. Tomas critiques the school’s training, which dictates that students should seek cover in the event of a school shooting. It sets the beginning stages of Tomas’s hero arc, which for Tomas encompasses the chance to transform his bad reputation in school to something heroic and reform his broken relationship with Sylv at the same time.  

“The silence from the auditorium is tense and loaded. Except it’s not silence. All around me there are hushed sobs, prayers, and curses—friends trying to calm each other: ‘Hold on to my hand.’ ‘Trust me.’ ‘We’ll make it through.’ People whisper into cell phones. ‘Help me.’ ‘I don’t know what to do.’” 

Here, Sylv paints a picture of the tense auditorium scene as students scramble for safety while others call parents and brothers with hopes of speaking to a loved one and to be rescued. Throughout the novel, Nijkamp characterizes Sylv as selfless, and the tone of this quote, as well as what Sylv observes, testifies to Sylv’s wish to see beyond herself.

“I gazed up at him. The black circle around his eye, souvenir of yet another fight, showed how little Opportunity cared about his dreams. I knew his scars ran deeper than the bruises. But with me, he felt safe—and I with him.”

In this quote, after discovering Jonah, the security guard, shot dead and lying under Tyler’s car, Claire experiences a moment of empathy for Tyler, as Claire remembers a date with Tyler the previous year before they broke up. Claire recalls Tyler encouraging her to follow her dreams, and telling Claire that she did not have to join the army just because Claire’s sister did. It’s another instant of Nijkamp constructing a portrait of a school shooting that extends beyond the confines of the chaos during the event and explores the larger social forces and personal struggles at the core of Tyler’s identity. 

“If he’d gone on a murdering spree, it would’ve been less scary. It would’ve been a random act of violence. The simple fact that he carefully picks out his targets, among the hundreds of students in the auditorium, makes him more of a threat. And it terrifies me. Tyler will shoot everyone who tries to stop him, who gets in his way, but they’re collateral damage. They’re not who he came for. We are.” 

Here, Sylv fears that Tyler has concocted a specific plan: seeking revenge for the tragic turn his own life has taken in the wake of his mother’s death, father’s drinking, and his own predatory behavior and failed relationships. But Sylv fears, and knows, Tyler wants to find Sylv because Tyler blames Sylv for taking the attentions of his sister, Autumn, on account of the girls’ relationship. 

“Do you know what it feels like to lose everything you hold dear? Your family? Your girlfriend? For your entire town to turn against you too? Arrogant Tyler. Idiotic Tyler. Outcast Tyler. I’m reclaiming Opportunity. Your lives are mine. And you will pay attention.” 

As Tyler holds the student body at his peril, he addresses the audience. Here, Nijkamp sheds light on Tyler’s motives. Tyler’s speech is reported from Autumn’s perspective, which further characterizes their brother-sister relationship, which after the day of the shooting remains broken beyond repair. 

“When Mama got sick, Sylv became more serious. Then she spent most of last summer withdrawn and closed off from everyone. That’s when I lost her. She stares at me sometimes, and I feel like we live in two different worlds. But on the rare days we find each other, I remember what it is to be family.” 

As Tomas and Fareed attempt to break the chained auditorium doors with bolt cutters, Tomas reflects on the trajectory of his relationships with Sylv during the past year. The two have not spoken to one another in months. In contrast to Tyler’s reaction to Autumn’s relationship, Tomas feels heartbroken about not being close to Sylv. Tomas sees today as an opportunity to prove to Sylv he loves her and is a worthy brother. 

“I’m staring at a stranger. This is not the same person who showed me the abandoned shed near the cotton fields, where I could dance in secret. This isn’t the same person who bought me pointe shoes after my old ones were too worn to be used. He may look like Tyler and sound like Tyler, but this is not the same person.” 

Here, Autumn is caught between fond memories of Tyler and the reality of the fact that Tyler is committing a mass shooting. Tyler begins to call out Autumn's name. Autumn approaches the point in the novel when narrative pressure and dramatic tension rise to a pitch such that Autumn must decide whether or not she can face her fear and confront Tyler onstage. Note how Nijkamp continues to explore each narrator’s will to disbelief. Each narrator wants to believe the shooting is not happening, and that such a horrible event could not occur in Opportunity. This points towards Nijkamp’s intentions in suggesting that such trauma can happen anywhere if certain warning flags go unaddressed. 

“‘It’s the way I remember her. It makes me feel close to her.’ I grasp at the first memory that comes to mind. ‘Remember we went to see Othello last year? Remember how you drove us to the river after the show, and we sat there watching the sun set? The sky was perfectly clear, and everything was peaceful. It was the first time in a year I didn’t have to worry about Dad. It was the first time in a year I felt safe. You gave me that. You saved me. Let me save you.’” 

This quote takes place as Autumn confronts Tyler onstage. The comment causes Tyler to lower his weapon, providing a brief instance of relief for other students, just past the novel’s halfway point, closing the narrative question of whether Autumn will confront Tyler, and launching another. Here, Autumn implores Tyler to remember good times. This scene characterizes Autumn and Tyler’s relationship as loving while also demonstrating how far the two have broken apart. 

“‘Can you do me a favor?’ I nearly drag him out to the aisle. I point to Asha. She sits, leaning against the wall, her arms wrapped tight around her waist. No matter how many people pass her, she does not move. ‘That girl over there lost her sister today. She needs to get out of here. Can you make sure she does?’”

After Tomas and Fareed open an auditorium door, students begin to escape, which breeds different levels of panic. Here, Sylv remains calm, taking control of the situation in grownup fashion, something she has learned from the time she’s spent taking care of her mother. 

“No matter how this plays out, these moments are all part of me. It’s time to stop hiding. The only two people who matter now are in front of me—the boy who broke me and the girl who put me back together. I will not let him take her away from me again.”

Here, Sylv experiences a moment of transformation as she decides to approach the stage to save Autumn. Many elements of the narrative are at play here. Sylv felt broken after Tyler raped her but is made whole by Autumn. In this moment, Sylv’s conflict pressures her to act, furthering the scene’s dramatic tension.

“I scan the crowd to find my sister. She’s in front of several other seniors, just below the chaos. She’s standing right in Tyler’s line of sight, but she doesn’t duck. And somehow, miraculously, his spray of bullets misses her. Rage consumes me. He won’t touch my sister. Never again.” 

Almost two-thirds of the way through the novel, Tomas searches for Sylv as students escape the auditorium. Tomas finds her approaching Tyler onstage, piquing Tomas’s rage. As Tomas already sees the moment as an opportunity to remedy past mistakes, and in his relationship with Sylv, he prepares to charge the stage. Fareed stops Tomas from following through on this, thereby illustrating Fareed’s ability to remain calm and think rationally under duress. 

“With every inch gained I expect a bullet to shatter my spine. My knees and my elbows feel like Jell-O under my weight, but I pull myself forward, clambering towards the steps at the side of the stage. I don't want to look down at the carpet, which is stained with blood. But I need to get away from here. I need to get to Sylv before Ty sees her. Because if he does, there will be nothing left. If she dies, I will never be able to tell her that she is the one who keeps me standing.” 

As students escape the auditorium, Autumn crawls away from Tyler, her hopes set on saving Sylv. This quote illustrates Autumn's will to survive and the intensity of Autumn's love for Sylv. In the wake of her mother’s death and her father’s drinking, and now Tyler's murderous act, Sylv represents one of the last stable relationships in Autumn's life.

“I understand what he's doing now. Autumn and Tyler lost their parents. And because of me, they also lost each other. As long as he thinks I'm in the building, he will come after me. The knowledge no longer fills me with dread.” 

Here, Sylv convinces herself that Tyler will continue reaping carnage until he finds her. Sylv crouches with Tomas and Fareed halfway up the stairs in the hallway, and they decide to go to the roof. Sylv's reserved tone here further characterizes her maturity and sense of calm in the face of chaotic circumstances.

“We check the doors down both sides of the hallway. After the gunshots in the auditorium, the rattling of locked doors somehow feels just as loud. But we make quick work of the doors. And when Sylvia catches my eye, I risk an encouraging smile. Between the three of us, there's no one I'd rather be with today. Together, we'll get out. Together, we'll survive this. Together, we'll be strong enough to face whatever comes our way. This is where it ends.” 

In addition to demonstrating Tomas and Sylv's familial love for one another, this quote from Tomas contains tragic elements, considering Tomas's death in following chapters. The passage relays Tomas's romantic optimism and further communicates Tomas's courage. The intimacy here between Tomas and Sylv characterizes their relationship, showing that despite drifting apart during the past year, the two are still close. 

“I reach out to him and curse myself when I feel tears trickling down my cheeks. I don't want him to know Tyler raped me for the same reason I don't want Mama to know. I want her to remember me happy. There was nothing either of them could have done to stop him. Opportunity has so many secrets.” 

This quote from Sylv captures a critical moment before Tomas leaves the roof to find Tyler and reveals an awful fact about Sylv and Tyler's past. Whatever empathy Nijkamp has built for Tyler becomes challenged as darker truths about Tyler emerge. Opportunity is characterized here as a small town with big, troubling secrets. 

“After another group of students leaves and we're left waiting, I sink into a chair. My heart is empty, and my head is full. The stories tumble over one another. We're grief counselors simply because we're there. I can understand why Deputy Lee did not want us here. I never realized that courage was so terrifying. But even if the stories are horrific, everyone coming through our tent shares a common understanding. It fills our emptiness.” 

This quote comes from Claire. As students rush from the school into the parking lot, many approach Claire and Chris seeking information about classmates. Claire comments on the fear that accompanies courage, offering her assessment of the feelings beneath a person outwardly being brave and stating that community can quell the horror of an event such as a mass shooting.

“‘You know, after Mom died, apart from Sylv, you were the only one to ever see me dance. You know the ballet shoe charm you bought me for my birthday last year?’ I keep my eyes down as I show him the bracelet around my wrist, blood smudged on the silver. ‘I've never taken it off.’”

Here, after breaking away from the students running to safety, Autumn confronts Tyler in the school’s second-floor hallway. Again, the theme of dance as a wedge both dividing and uniting Tyler and Autumn is at play. That Autumn tells Tyler she never took off the bracelet Tyler gave her expresses how important Tyler is to Autumn. But now that bracelet, which symbolizes their love, is smudged with blood, as their relationship can never survive today's trauma. This tender and painful moment occurs minutes before Tyler takes his own life.

“From this perspective, with the locks cut and all the doors open, the auditorium looks smaller. On any other day, the doors would open to laughter and discussions about our break. The doors would open, and we would head to our lockers, to Spanish, to my APUSH midterm. The doors would open to life.” 

This quote from Sylv offers a glimpse back into the auditorium after Tyler's taken his life and SWAT teams have cleared students away. The passage captures how the day began like most days at Opportunity High. Sylv's tone expresses a sense of loss and disbelief that must be commonplace to those who have experienced such an event.