See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love

Their backpacking travels took them to Costa Rica, Turkey, Tanzania, New Zealand, and Indonesia. In her travels, she realized, “The earth is organized by violence—the routine termination of life, the bloody killing of creatures who think and feel and have societies of their own. The earth is also organized by labors of love” (255). She also came to believe that there was a movement across the Earth to recognize humanity’s oneness and love those who are not one’s kin. She began to feel released from the shame and trauma that had been ingrained in her body since she was a child. By the end of their journey, she could have intercourse with Sharat without pain. She notes that healing takes a long time and is itself a labor. Kaur advises readers to orient themselves to the present and recognize the safety in it. She feels that an important part of her recovery was recognizing the work her thighs did in protecting her and thanking them. After this, she noticed that her muscles relaxed.

Kaur returned to her childhood home as her father’s mother was dying—the one that made her mother miserable as a young wife. She saw her mother helping her grandmother die with grace and realized her mother moved through the rage she once felt. Her grandmother passed away the next morning. She was cremated, and her ashes were placed in the Pacific Ocean. Kaur’s mother explained that she forgave her husband’s mother to relieve the burden of carrying her hurt.

This led Kaur to think about Roshan, who had sent her a letter requesting her forgiveness after the gun incident. She notes that she was not ready to consider forgiveness then, but after watching her mother forgive her grandmother, she desired to forgive Roshan and have closure. She worked on forgiving him in her heart. Years later, he reached out to invite her to his wedding. She decided to call him with a series of prepared questions, hoping that he would acknowledge the depth of the damage he caused. He listened to her experience and recognized that his acts were the cause. He, too, desired to make amends She chose to attend his wedding, and although she found it painful, she did feel relief as she watched him begin a new life. She felt Papa Ji would be thankful.

Two years after the wedding, the #MeToo movement began, and she voiced her experience as a Sikh woman who experienced sexual assault. She realized that she wanted more than punishment for those who had behaved violently. Instead, she desired “accountability, apology, and transformation” (266). Curiosity about Roshan’s ability and willingness to apologize arose, and she called him, asking for his side of the story. He said that he was in a state of consciousness somewhere between being awake and asleep on the night of the sexual assault. Nonetheless, he took full responsibility for his behavior and admitted anger at himself and his brokenness as a teen. He explained that his threats against Sharat arose out of a fear of cultural loss. Concerning the time he brought a gun to meet her, he intended to attempt suicide out of shame for the things he did to her. He fired the gun into his chin when she left, but he had loaded the incorrect bullets. Kaur realized that Roshan’s process was one of self-reconciliation, and Roshan realized that his closure was dependent on Kaur’s healing.

Kaur wishes America were able to make similar reparations for its history. She wants the nation to take ownership of the groups of people who have experienced generational trauma based on the nation’s decisions. She wants reconciliation to be offered.

At the end of the chapter, she moved with Sharat to live in Venice Beach and work at Stanford Law School.

Kaur surprised Sharat with a positive pregnancy test, and pregnancy symptoms began almost at once. She gave birth in December to a baby boy named Kavi Singh Raju. Transition is the medical term used to describe the time just before giving birth when contractions are extremely close together. Kaur thinks of transition as a metaphor for some of the most challenging times in our lives. During her transition when birthing Kavi, she felt she could not continue but was brave at the same time. She acknowledges that this bravery allowed her to face so many of her life’s challenges.

Kaur describes the two parts of herself the Little Critic, who criticizes her, and the Wise Woman, who encourages her and others. She practices listening to the Wise Woman and allowing her to speak. She writes: “I believe that deep wisdom resides within each of us. Some call this voice by different sacred names—Spirit, God, Jesus, Allah, Om, Buddha-nature, Waheguru” (281). For many, this internal voice has a spiritual resonance. For others, it is just a guiding voice.

On February 10, 2015, shortly after Kaur gave birth, there was another hate crime in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Three Muslim students were shot in the head. Kaur took her eight-week-old son to a candlelight vigil held for these students in California. As the 2016 election approached, hate crimes rose again. Kaur heard that a Sikh man was attacked in Fresno, her hometown, and she began to question how she could keep her son safe. Kaur felt panic when Trump won the 2016 presidential election but felt joy as she completed a bedtime routine with her partner and son, including singing and a bedtime story. Kaur asserts that progress is often “cyclical, not linear” (286). In short, the justice for which people fight often contracts before it expands. She continues to see glimpses of the type of nation America could become, and hope lies in this imagined future.

On the 15th anniversary of Uncle Balbir’s death, Kaur returned to the gas station where he was murdered. Each year, family, friends, and neighbors come together to spread out white sheets and share hot food around Balbir’s memorial plaque. Kaur asked Rana Sodhi, his surviving brother, if he would talk to his brother’s murderer by choice. Rana acknowledged that he would, so Kaur arranged a call with Frank Roque, and the two spoke. Roque acknowledged that 9/11 played a significant role in his actions. He stated, “What happened was a result of mental breakdown” (295). He did not take direct responsibility in the way Kaur desired, but Rana heard remorse in his voice. Roque offered an apology, and Rana told him he did not wish for him to be imprisoned for life. Kaur felt relieved after the phone call.

Kaur recalls that she once had a daydream about her future son while receiving acupuncture. She remembers being lit up by the love she felt for him. In the vision, he transformed into a man, signaling to her that his future was secure. She gave birth to Kavi seven years after this vision.

Joyce, a friend who had become like a mother to Kaur, was dying. Kaur and her mother went to help Joyce transition. Kaur watched her labor through dying. In Sikh tradition, daughters wash and dress the body of their deceased mother. Kaur and her mother washed and dressed Joyce after her passing and attended her cremation. The next day, Kaur realized she was pregnant and began referring to the new life growing inside of her as “Little Joy.” She had hyperemesis during the first four months of her pregnancy and used a wheelchair during the last five months. She wrote every day through the entire pregnancy and went into labor just two days after sending her book to her editor.

While in labor, Kaur envisioned herself visiting her new child in a meadow. She returned to this meadow between contractions until her daughter arrived and was laid on her chest. She named her Ananda, meaning joy.