In the Dream House

“How do we do right by the wronged people of the past without physical evidence of their suffering?”

The Prologue acknowledges the legacy of archival silence by referencing Saidiya Hartman’s essay “Venus in Two Acts.” Machado supports Hartman’s theory and asks the reader to consider in what ways repressed or silenced groups of people can be represented outside of heterosexually focused archives. This memoir presents a form of writing and remembrance for others who have suffered queer abuse.

“Your female crushes were always floating past you, out of reach, but she touches your arm and looks directly at you and you feel like a child buying something with her own money for the first time.”

When Machado first meets her partner, their mutual attraction surprises Machado, who has not experienced such reciprocation from women. The idea of “a child buying something with her own money for the first time” evokes power, freedom, novelty, thrill, and gratification. Machado is immediately and hopelessly hooked by the feeling.

“You would let her swallow you whole, if she could.”

Machado's relationship with her partner intensifies, and their intimate encounters increasingly feature her partner’s aggressive sexual possessiveness. Machado, however, is willing to accept this possessiveness, as she is too in love to question what her partner might eventually do to her. Moreover, her partner’s behavior makes Machado feel that her body is desirable, and the gratification is overwhelming; because she has chronic feelings of worthlessness, this sexual attention seems to finally validate her worth.