I Beat the Odds: From Homelessness, to The Blind Side, and Beyond

“If it didn’t happen while you were living in the neighborhood, it didn’t happen.

History didn’t matter. The rest of the world didn’t matter. All that mattered was here and now, making it to the next temporary job or the next government check. Making it to the next day.

I sometimes wonder if that isn’t what made me so different from the people around me. As you’ll learn, my sights were set on the future from the time I was seven, and then even more as I became a teenager. Instead of getting caught up in what was right in front of me, I always seemed to have my eyes on what was ahead. Some people, if they got a little money saved up, would go and spend it on a fancy purse or flashy jewelry or brand-name clothes. No one seemed worried about saving for a rainy day or starting a college fund. It was as if the future just didn’t exist for them. But it did for me. I knew that I wanted a life outside of the ’hood and I knew that the only way I could get it would be to go after it on my own.”

Oher notes that personal responsibility is part of his success story—and is another of the book’s themes. Many people helped Oher, but his own drive and planning for the future were indispensable. He describes himself as ambitious and level-headed. Too many people in his situation lived for the here and now, but he always thought about the future and the life he wanted.

“The boys in the neighborhood weren’t the only ones who didn’t want to play by the rules, though. My mother was pretty good at finding trouble, too. Like I said, she couldn’t seem to remember to pay our bills, so sometimes we didn’t have power or water wherever we were living. She didn’t always pay rent, either, so we got evicted a lot, too. But it never seemed like it was that big of a deal, and she definitely never seemed embarrassed by it. For us, it was just a way of life.

It seemed there was always a reason we had to move somewhere else, always a new school where I had to try to figure out where they were in their studies. Nothing ever seemed to change, no matter where we went. It was just a big circle for my brothers and me. All in all, it was a pretty miserable way of living, feeling like you could never really relax anywhere just knowing it was home or even just feeling safe and cared for. But at least we were miserable together.”

Oher summarizes his family life. His mother’s addiction and the size of their family (12 children) resulted in a frequent turmoil that left resources stretched thin. This lack of stability had consequences, such as the children having to leave friends, having difficulty forming new relationships, and suffering gaps in education with each change in school. Oher also mentions not feeling safe or cared for, two essentials to the development of children.

“No matter where our family moved, she tracked us down. She was like a bounty hunter. Sometimes she would come to the house three times a week on what they called ‘homemaker visits,’ in order to check up on the situation in the house, to see if my mother was still clean and that there was food in the refrigerator and that we kids were going to school. On a few of her visits, it was clear that we’d been left alone for a day or two. We were terrified of those visits because we knew that sooner or later, she wasn’t going to be leaving by herself.

Of course now, when I look back on it, I realize that she genuinely cared about our well-being and our safety. She didn’t want us having to live in terrible conditions or missing out on an education. She had our best interests at heart and was fighting to give us a chance. But as kids, all we could see her as was the lady who was going take us away from one another. So in our minds she was just someone mean who didn’t want our family to live together.” 

This quote illustrates Oher’s changing view of social worker Bobbie Spivey. Young Oher and his siblings were scared of her, as she seemed to want to break up their family—but as an adult, he appreciates what she did for them. This is also a concrete example of Oher writing from the perspective of his childhood self. He explains how he felt and understood events at the time they occurred, which is valuable in learning his circumstances and actions.

“The rules and discipline that Twin had in her house were important for me to see because I had never lived with that kind of structure before and it definitely took some getting used to. The first few nights I lived with her were very tough because I was so mixed up about how fast my life had been turned upside down. I wasn’t just in a new house and away from most of my family, but I had a whole new way of thinking to get used to, with chores and schedules and discipline and rules even about things like bedtime. I’m glad to say that she told me I never got in much trouble at her house or in school, but I didn’t obey because I was happy about the way she ran her house. I followed the rules because I was afraid that if I didn’t, something terrible would happen. Back in the old neighborhood, I’d seen kids get smacked around and screamed at, so even though my mother took the other extreme of no rules and no real emotional response to anything at all, I knew that physical abuse was real and it was common.

Now I understand, of course, that Twin definitely wasn’t the kind of woman who would beat a child. But back then, she was a stranger to me and I sure didn’t think that she loved me. After all, who could love a bunch of kids they don’t even know who get dumped on their doorstep? That was what I believed at the time, anyway, and I think a lot of kids in my situation feel the same way.”

Oher presents a situation through the eyes of his childhood self, providing an authentic and valuable perspective. This quote illustrates the confusion that foster children go through as they encounter drastic changes in authority figures and environment. Oher’s new routine in Velma Jones’s (“Twin’s”) household reveals the structure missing from life with his mother. Oher’s mother was hands-off for the most part, but Velma enforced rules and tasked the children with chores. 

“She wasn’t perfect, of course, but Velma worked hard to be a good foster parent. With as much as I was running, though, I guess it was decided that I would be better off farther away from my mother’s home so that I couldn’t get there as easily. Carlos and I ended up getting bounced around to three or four other homes over the next year. That was when I learned firsthand that there are two very different sides to foster care.

There are people who become foster care parents because they want to make a difference in the lives of children who have been taken from bad situations. There are other people who become foster care parents because of the monthly check they get from the state. That’s the part that people don’t want to talk about, but, unfortunately, it’s very real. There are some terrible people who slip through the cracks when the state is screening applicants to the system. Their care can be as neglectful, abusive, and dangerous as the situation the child was taken from—or even worse.”

This quote shows the two sides of foster care. Oher and his brother Carlos first lived with Velma, a woman whose heart was in the right place and fostered children to actually help them—but later families taught the boys that not everyone was like her. There are people who provide foster care only because they can get extra money out of it. Many foster children experience this cynicism and lack of empathy firsthand, which only adds to their difficulties.

“So while they were concentrating all their efforts on trying to get to the bottom of my anger, I was trying to figure out how to make it through each day without breaking down in tears. I wasn’t mad, I was sad. I was a heartbroken little kid who was hurt and confused about everything that was going on around me and affected me so much but that I didn’t get any say in at all. I wanted to cry all the time, but I held it in and just shook my head when they tried to talk to me. I didn’t know how to tell them how much those supervised visits, when we were all together again, hurt so much afterward. I just kept thinking, ‘If we’re good together and we love each other, why are they going to take us away again?’ Each time we said good-bye, it felt like the day they’d first taken the little ones away. I felt like maybe I had somehow failed to find a way to keep everyone together.

But I was afraid if I told them all of that, they’d stop letting me go to the visits.

I know I used to get worked up sometimes, but it was more out of frustration than anger. Some expert might say that these emotions were the same, but to me they felt very different. I never wanted to lash out; I just felt a build-up of intense sadness that I didn’t know how to express. I never felt like an angry kid, but I did feel upset because the situation seemed so hopeless, so I think that is what they were observing.”

Oher describes the miscommunication that resulted in his stay at St. Joseph’s Hospital. Oher’s counselors mistook his demeanor for repressed anger, so they sent him to the hospital to work through it. In truth, what they saw was a combination of his introversion and intense sadness at his situation. Each supervised visit with his family was salt in the wound, a reminder of what he’d lost.

“I stayed at St. Joseph’s for about two weeks and adjusted to the new routine.

We weren’t in school; instead, we would have to talk about our feelings with adults (who I realize now probably were psychiatrists and counselors). Then when we weren’t in those evaluations, we could watch television.

A funny side note from my stay there: I think that’s where I got my love for movies. I am a huge fan of films, and I think it first started when I got to choose whatever videos I wanted to watch from St. Joseph’s collection. I’d never had videos before, and definitely not dozens of them to choose from to watch on my own. It might not sound like much, but it is actually empowering to get to make your own decision about what movie to watch, and for a kid who felt like all decision making had been taken away, that was a big deal. I slept in a little hospital room, with my own TV with a VCR on the bottom. It felt so grown-up, so exciting to return to my own room with a video I’d picked out from the movie shelf.”

This aside may seem like a minor detail, but for Oher, it was a breath of fresh air. The only thing he liked about his two-week stay at St. Joseph’s Hospital was having his own room with a VCR to watch any movies he wanted from the hospital’s collection. It was a rare opportunity to exercise agency and make his own decisions. This quote serves as a reminder that children in circumstances like his have the same wants and needs as any other, and having some control over their lives is part of healthy development.

“I had changed, too. I had started to put the pieces together of what was required to get a life and a job outside of the ghetto someday. As much as I had hated being in state custody, I did have someone getting me up each morning and making me go to school. It’s amazing what regular attendance can do for you. Even if I had pretty much given up on trying to learn much, as I was changing schools so often, I still began to understand better what responsibility was all about and why it was important to show up where you are expected each day.”

Oher discusses the origins of one of the book’s themes—that of personal responsibility. He never learned personal responsibility from his family; it wasn’t until he was charged to Velma Jones that he became exposed to the idea. She had strict rules and expectations for her children, and he started to see the purpose of it all. This revelation was Oher’s first step toward taking initiative.

“That year at Ida B. Wells was one that opened my eyes to the fact that school could be a place for real learning to happen if you were taught by committed, caring people. Watching the teachers and knowing that some of them had come out of situations not unlike mine made me see the reality of making something out of your life. I discovered that’s really what it comes down to: You’ve got to want to be something. The problem was that it seemed like there was no one else around me who wanted to be something. There was no one else who I went home to at night who was working hard with dreams of a regular job and the responsibilities of a nice, middle-class life.

After that year of school with good teachers and role models, I was desperate for someone who could mentor me outside of school and teach me how to convert that dream into action, but I couldn’t seem to find anyone. I didn’t have a person who could sit down and talk me through things like planning for the future and making choices that would benefit me in the long term. So I just started to rely on my own common sense and my own ideas of what I wanted for my life. I would stop and ask myself: Is this a smart decision? What are the consequences of hanging out with these guys? What kind of trouble could I get into if I did this or went there? Do I want the thrill as much as I want to get out of this neighborhood someday?” 

After Oher ran away from St. Joseph’s Hospital and returned to his mother, he began to realize this life was a dead end. This became especially clear after encountering caring, supportive teachers for one year before returning to a school where students and teachers alike didn’t care much about anything. Oher saw a way out but had no one to guide him. This quote touches on both mentorship and personal responsibility, the latter coming through in the mentor-less Oher relying on himself to take initiative and do the right thing.

“Right around the same time that the social workers came for us and took the littlest kids away, I saw something on TV that would change my life. It would give me something to hold on to over the next few years as I bounced around to different foster care homes and hospitals. It would give me something to keep in front of me after I returned home to live with my mother and the old patterns and bad habits came into play again. It would change the way I thought about everything else I was facing, because it gave me a goal to work toward when I started feeling hopeless that my life would never get me anywhere away from the ’hood. I watched the NBA finals between the Chicago Bulls and the Phoenix Suns and I knew—I knew—that sports were going to be my way out.”

This quote describes a major turning point for Oher in 1993. His revelation came at a bittersweet time, as it happened not long after his family was split up. However, the NBA finals would change his life, as he now had a goal to work toward. Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls inspired Oher to follow the same path of using sports to make a better life for himself. This path wasn’t just about making money and living the high life; Oher sought stability and a good enough living to provide for himself and his future family—and ensure that they wouldn’t be stuck in underprivileged situations as he’d been.

“Yeah, it’s true that I slacked off sometimes, going to school just for the free lunch and sports practice. It is tough to show up every day with your homework done when the kids around you don’t do it and encourage you to just hang out with them. It’s also tough to do what you’re supposed to do when you feel like no grown-ups—not even most of the teachers—even care if you do it or not. In the end, I realized any success I might have would come down to two things: 1) finding good people to surround myself with; and 2) taking responsibility for myself.”

In this quote, Oher clearly states the importance of taking the initiative in his own development. He doesn’t pretend that he always did the right thing, but he eventually came to the conclusion that he could and would not be passive about his education and future—and acted on this mindset.

“When I talk with people now who knew my family back then, I’ve had people say to me: ‘You know, it wasn’t like she was getting high and leaving you all alone every single weekend. She’d be clean for months at a time before slipping up.’ I understand what they’re saying—that is, not to let the bad times at home crowd out the good times. But how many times is it okay for a mother to smoke crack and lock her kids out of the house for days at a time? I would think that one time was one time too many.

As a kid, I knew it wasn’t a good way to be living, but I didn’t have the perspective on the situation that I do now. Now, I wonder why people try to defend that kind of behavior. I love my mother with all my heart, and I always will. But that does not mean that I can just look past her actions and say it was all okay because it only happened every couple of months instead of every week.

I don’t want anyone to think I am talking in a disrespectful way about my mother. It’s important to honor our parents—that’s even in the Bible—but honoring them and approving of their lifestyle are totally different things. I will always love and honor my mother, but that doesn’t mean that I can just shrug off her addictions and pretend that they didn’t hurt me or my brothers and sisters. In some ways, I feel she robbed us kids of the chance of future success, as her actions told us that selfish, indulgent, irresponsible behavior was okay.”

This is a telling quote about personal responsibility. It’s clear how strongly Oher feels about the idea, as he uses his mother as an example. Although he stresses his love for her, this love is separate from the fact that she failed to teach her children personal responsibility by example. When others try to explain away her addiction (perhaps in an attempt to reassure him), Oher draws the line.

“Great opportunities might occasionally fall in someone’s lap, but I believe you are much more likely to find one when you go out and chase the opportunity down. That’s exactly what I did as I prepared for my sophomore year of high school. It seemed like there was a great opportunity for me to get a better education and to have access to better sports programs, and I was determined to jump on it.

I’d already stopped pretending that a normal life for me at home was possible. I had a place to sleep at my mother’s house, but it was just a mattress on the floor. My mother was doing a pretty good job of staying clean at that point, but she wasn’t especially interested in me or what I was up to and pretty much just left me alone entirely. I just knew I didn’t want the kind of life she had. I wanted something better, even if I didn’t know what it was or how to get it. I loved her and my brothers so much, but home felt like a hole I was stuck in and couldn’t climb out of. I didn’t want to stay trapped.

So instead of staying with my mother, most of the time I was moving from house to house, sleeping with whoever would let me stay and eating whatever food they’d let me have. I finally settled on staying with Big Tony’s family because they were the best example of what I wanted my own family life to be like.”

Continuing the theme of personal responsibility, this quote illustrates Oher taking the initiative to improve his situation. He risked everything to escape St. Joseph’s Hospital and return home—but soon realized it was a ticket to nowhere. Although he loved his family, they didn’t provide what he needed, so he made the difficult decision to leave them. This was especially difficult as Oher didn’t have anywhere else to go—but fortunately, different friends’ families often let him stay overnight. When he met “Big” Tony’s family, he knew they embodied how he wanted to live and took advantage of the opportunity to stay with them often.

“Everyone has a different way of learning, and my teachers began to try out different styles to find mine. We quickly realized that the more I was involved with the material—like acting it out or reading it out loud or talking through it—the better I did. Things were sticking and I was able to build on them with new material. It was a huge rush.

Ms. Lavender would help me work on my assignments, especially for my English classes, as I learned how to do things like write research papers, which was totally foreign to me. We did a lot of memorization work my senior year, too. Students were supposed to learn important passages from famous books and recite them in front of the class. I was so excited when I learned mine by heart that the second I saw my English teacher, I begged to say my piece. It didn’t matter that we were in the middle of the lunch line; I just rattled the whole thing off because I was so proud of what I’d accomplished.”

This quote may be familiar to teachers and others involved in education, as it involves Oher’s preferred learning style. His early years of frequent moving left gaps in his education, and his teachers were often jaded and uncaring. But at Briarcrest, Oher found teachers eager to connect who helped him discover his strengths in learning and taught him methods of studying. His enthusiasm for learning was clear to them—just as it’s clear from this quote.

“I also got the sense that they seemed to understand what I was trying to do, but that I just didn’t have the tools—or even know what the tools were—that I needed to get there. I wasn’t dumb and I wasn’t lazy. I was lost and hurt and I wanted to work hard but hardly knew where to start because ambition just wasn’t anything I’d ever really seen modeled in my life.

For me just to see how those families lived—all the Briarcrest families that took me in—what their neighborhoods were like, what the rules and expectations were in their homes, had a huge impact because I was able to understand what I’d suspected, that a life like mine in childhood wasn’t normal and it wasn’t okay. And I started to get a much clearer picture of what I was aiming for.”

The first sentence refers to the Tuohys understanding Oher, and the overall passage reinforces the importance of mentors. Oher addresses the intangible things mentors can do for young people like him: In addition to conveying direct knowledge, they often model ways of interacting in given environments and situations. Children from disadvantaged backgrounds usually don’t witness successful (professional) behavior, let alone learn it themselves. The Tuohys were more than willing to give Oher these things, as they could see how hungry he was for them.

“It was easy to see that right or left tackle was a good place for me, and I could play either one, but once Coach Freeze put me in at left tackle, everything changed. I started to love the game in a way I never knew I could before because I wasn’t just playing a game. I had a responsibility, a job. I was protecting the quarterback, but I also had to watch everyone else in the lineup and guess as to how the charge to the line would play out. I think that after quarterback, of course, left tackle is the biggest intellectual challenge in the entire game.

Some people may think after watching the movie that I’m a dumb kid who just blocks well, but I’d like to see any of them try to stand in as left tackle for even one play, and see how effective they are at reading the defensive line. This isn’t a position for dummies. I could tell that right away, and after each game, my brain felt almost as sweaty as my body. It was a workout for my mind, and I hit the showers feeling like I’d just finished reading some huge book, which was a great feeling.”

In this quote, Oher shows both his love for playing the position of left tackle and the tactics necessary to do so. Left tackle appealed to his sense of responsibility, in that he had to protect the quarterback from getting hit on his blind side. However, the position requires more than brute strength. This fact helps dispel the myth that teenage Oher was physically fit but not very bright, something that bothered him in the movie The Blind Side.

“But I came to understand that first impressions do matter, and as a college athlete, you are ultimately a representative of your team, your coach, your program, and your school. The same is true wherever you go in life, whatever your job may be. There is a right way and a wrong way to act in different settings. It is so important to have a basic working understanding of etiquette. You can’t act the same way in a McDonald’s as you would in a fine dining restaurant. You can’t talk to a coach the same way you would talk to your friends. It is so important to have a sense of the situation and what kind of behavior it requires. It’s not a matter of snobbery; it’s a matter of understanding how the world works and showing your smarts by picking up on the difference of each setting.

It is a lesson I am very, very grateful for because it is definitely something I had never even considered when I was living in my old neighborhood, and it makes a big difference—fair or not—in how other people see you. It is the same reason that I always care about ironing my clothes and taking care of my appearance. I want to give the impression of being put-together and respectable. Commentator Cris Collinsworth made a remark to Bob Costas when they were doing the commentary for a Ravens game one time that when you first met me you’d think I had just left the local country club. I appreciated that because it meant that I came across as polite and intelligent.”

Oher reflects on Leigh Anne Tuohy helping him learn etiquette by taking him to various restaurants in town. He’d been nervous about meeting with college coaches and scouts, afraid that they would see him as ignorant for not knowing how to act in a fancy restaurant. This is an example of a seemingly small, intangible lesson that he lacked due to his upbringing. It also speaks to Oher’s strong sense of personal responsibility, as he likes to present himself properly in any given situation. He takes the time to iron his clothes, just as he took the time to learn the rules of etiquette.

“I know that there will always be people who think that the extra courses I took to help raise my high school GPA were a lame excuse for making up classes I failed the first time around. There are other people who will always be convinced that I am just a dumb football player who only graduated from Briarcrest because I had a lot of people helping to pull me along because they wanted to get me into college. All I can say in response to that is, look at my academic record while at Ole Miss. I wasn’t just squeaking by with the minimum GPA—twice I made the dean’s list. It’s amazing how a life can turn around with some encouragement, some support, and someone willing to say, ‘I believe you CAN do what you’ve set your mind on doing.’”

In this quote, Oher addresses people who would doubt him. He’s sensitive about his portrayal in the movie The Blind Side—that of an unintelligent child saved by wealthy, educated people like the Tuohys. Oher points out that once he received the extra help he needed and was admitted to the University of Mississippi, he made the dean’s list twice. He’s not ashamed to admit he needed help to fill in the gaps in his education and ultimately depicts his success as stemming from partnership: Once he received support, he made the most of it.

“Dorm living wasn’t as big an adjustment for me as for some students. I was used to living in a small space with a lot of other people, so that wasn’t a problem for me at all. In fact, I loved it. I enjoyed being a part of a community, surrounded by friends and bonding together as a team. I would end up making some lifelong friends, including football teammates like Jamarca Sanford, who is the most loyal person I have ever met and is still one of my best friends. But the one thing that did take a lot of getting used to was meeting a ton of new teammates, coaching staff, and students around campus. Being a naturally shy person, this was the scariest thing of all.

It made such a difference for me, though, having a great support system around me—not just tutors like Miss Sue but a couple of high school friends and Collins and some of her friends. They made me feel like I belonged.”

This quote reinforces the importance of having a support system, including mentors like Miss Sue. It also illustrates finding silver linings in any situation. Oher easily adapted to dorm life because of his background—having lived with a large family in limited space for many years; other students were unaccustomed to the change as they hadn’t experienced anything like it. This serves as a reminder that positives can sometimes come from negative situations.

“One by one, their names were called. As they left the room for their photo ops, I was still sitting there. Finally, I was the last person left in the room and my heart started to sink. For a split second, I started to panic, thinking McShay’s comments must have really spooked some coaches; or maybe they had believed that now that I had a family, my drive to prove something with my game was gone; or maybe they had read the book and incorrectly assumed I wasn’t smart enough to learn the team’s playbook.

But then I looked around and thought, ‘Michael, you are at the NFL draft. You are at the NFL draft! What were the odds of this just a few years ago? Who cares if you are the number one pick or the number one hundred pick—think of what you’ve accomplished and what you’ve gotten to be a part of!’”

In this quote, Oher recounts his experience at the NFL draft of 2009 in New York City. Sitting in a room at Radio City Music Hall with other players expected to be picked in the first round, Oher experienced a flash of doubt when he was left behind. He then recalled all he had accomplished. Throughout the book, there is interplay between working toward one’s goals and being satisfied with one’s achievements. Sometimes people don’t get exactly what they want, and Oher asserts that this is perfectly normal—that people should keep an open mind and see situations for what they are rather than stick to preconceived notions. In the end, Oher was the draft’s 23rd pick and went on to have a successful career.

“But just because our season was over didn’t mean that I could sit back and relax until training camp started up again in July. I know how many guys out there would love to take my job, and I know that the minute I stop pushing myself to get better, one of them will step up for the chance. I got my position because someone else lost his; that’s the way the game works, and I always try to keep that in mind so I never take for granted the opportunities I’ve been given.

A lot of people want to know what it’s like to be a celebrity, and I feel bad when the most honest answer I can give them is ‘I don’t know.’ But it’s the truth. I don’t feel like a celebrity and I don’t live like one. I try to stay grounded, live simply, pay cash for everything, and just focus on doing my job. I try not to get into the ‘celebrity’ mind-set because then it becomes easy to think you can slack off just because you’re a big name. It also means you’ve forgotten where you came from and the hard work and discipline that got you to this level of success. The minute you start thinking that your reputation is enough to carry you is the moment that you start to slip.”

This quote illustrates Oher’s good judgment and focus on the future. He doesn’t let his relatively high profile go to his head. Oher works hard and lives simply because he knows success is never assured; keeping his position on the team takes as much work as earning it did. Just as he focused on future goals as a seven-year-old entranced by the NBA finals, he looks to the future today.

“Every week, I get big boxes of fan mail that have been sent to the Ravens, to my parents’ house, and to Ole Miss. Many are autograph requests or people wanting me to make an appearance at one event or another. I really appreciate the enthusiasm my fans show, but the volume is always way more than I can possibly handle, so I end up having to turn down a whole lot of requests.

There are some letters, though, that stand out to me. A handful of letters from just a typical week paints a pretty good picture of the kinds of people who have written to me because they’ve been touched by my story—by our story, really. What these letters tell me is that kids like me aren’t the exception. There are a lot of us out there whose family life is unfortunately similar to mine, and whose struggles sound familiar. These letters come to me from Maryland, Kentucky, Mississippi, Oregon, California, Ohio—all over our country in every state and every community there are kids who are hurting. Some of these kids have had people step up to show them love; others are still waiting for someone to do that. All of them are desperate for a role model.”

This quote (and the book as a whole) highlights the plight of foster children like young Oher. Chapter 19 quotes fan mail from such children and the adults working to help them. As Oher notes elsewhere, half a million children were in the foster care system at the time the book was published. By including details of their daily lives, he hopes to draw attention to their needs and inspire individuals and programs to improve their lives.

“That’s the most important lesson I want people to take from this book: You don’t have to get adopted by a rich family to make it. You don’t have to get adopted by anyone at all. You just have to have it set in your brain that you are going to make a better life for yourself and you have to be committed to making that happen.

You can’t sit around and wait for a loving family to show up and help you out because, unfortunately, that might never come. You have to be committed to chasing your dream yourself, and if someone steps up and helps you along the way, that’s awesome. But if not, it’s still up to you what you do with your life. You can blame circumstances or whatever you want to, but it’s your life. You’ve got to be the one who is determined to make it succeed. No one else can do that for you.” 

Oher knows he was fortunate in many ways by meeting people like the Tuohys. He makes it clear, however, that his success was a two-way street, and he made an effort to improve his life as well. Knowing his good fortune won’t be available to every child in similar circumstances, he again focuses on the power of taking initiative. One has to work for change with what they have rather than wait for someone to come along and do it for them.