Good for a Girl: A Woman Running in a Man's World

“Even though I no longer race professionally, running will always be home for my body and mind. If I do my job well as their coach, these women will have that, too.”

Fleshman mourns the fact that, through participating in an inherently unsafe and inhospitable environment for their minds and bodies, many female athletes leave the world of sport permanently in their teens or twenties. Instead, Fleshman hopes that, like herself, the women she coaches will retain their inherent love of the sport. Fleshman suggests that running can bring the gift of internal peace, as well as connection to one’s body and surroundings.

“With female puberty framed as a threat to performance, many take measures to prevent or reverse it, often losing their periods and disrupting the hormonal function essential to building healthy bones and a healthy body. Many face pressure by coaches to achieve a body ideal that is nearly impossible during their stage of physiological development, and experience stress fractures at three times the rate of their male peers.”

Fleshman introduces the fact that female puberty—including weight gain and hormonal changes—is viewed as a disrupter to female athlete progress, causing many coaches and athletes to rail against these changes, rather than respecting and protecting them. Disrupting normal female development has a range of negative psychological and physical outcomes, namely disordered eating and menstrual dysregulation, which increase the likelihood of osteoporosis and other bone-density injuries. This introduces the important theme of Male Physiology and Sexism Shaping Norms in Women’s Sports.

“Millions of women carry an abundance of positive memories of their time in sport, but they also carry the invisible wounds of their sports experiences. As women, we’ve justified these wounds as normal or internalized the belief that we were to blame.”

Instead of blaming the system for the negative experiences of female athletes, athletes and coaches tend to blame the individuals, as women are still held to male norms in terms of expectations of progress, training, and competing. Fleshman argues that blaming individuals stymies systemic change, which will only occur when the problems are identified and articulated. She hopes to be part of this change and to contribute to the formation of a sporting culture that is more nurturing to female athletes. Fleshman continues to articulate the harmful consequences of Male Physiology and Sexism Shaping Norms in Women’s Sports.

“In our home, Dad got the best chair, the first serving, and the last word. He told his daughters not to take shit from anyone, then turned around and treated my mom to large helpings of his own.”

Although Frank enthusiastically told his daughters that they could do anything, he was cruel to his wife, Joyce, and was clearly treated as the head of the family. The contrast between his words and his superior treatment foreshadows Fleshman’s experience in the sporting world; equal opportunity is given ample lip service, but the running world is built on male physiological norms, and sexism is rife, making it an inherently unsafe space for women.

“‘Did you see that?!’ he yelled to his camping buddies. ‘My girl’s got balls the size of Texas!’

Treading water, I felt repulsion, having never heard that phrase used about a girl before. Watching the grown men slap their thighs and heckle their sons to go next, saying ‘Don’t be a pussy!’ I could see that having balls was the ultimate compliment, and it was the ultimate compliment because it wasn’t female.”

Frank’s compliment was in some ways an insult, as bravery and athleticism were characterized as essentially male to the impressionable young Fleshman. This undermined Frank’s insistence to his daughters that they could do anything. As a result, Fleshman learned to admire and seek to imitate traditional maleness, rather than believing in the power and capability of women.

“While Kerri Strug was encouraged, as she had been thousands of times before, to ignore her animal instincts and her well-being and perform that final vault, I watched along with the rest of the world. I watched her hop on one foot on the landing, saluting the judges and then collapsing in agony. I watched her get scooped up like a child—which she was—by her coach, Bela Karolyi, who was proud of his girl.”

Gymnast Kerri Strug is widely lauded for her bravery for completing a vault while injured, earning her USA team a gold medal at the Olympics. However, for Fleshman, Strug being pressured to perform while in obvious pain typifies the culture around female athleticism; women are indoctrinated to ignore pain and discomfort in favor of achieving short-term performance goals. Fleshman suggests that this has devastating impacts on their long-term health, well-being, and participation in athleticism.

“‘If it weren’t for your long blond ponytail, you’d look like a dyke,’ my dad joked.”

Frank’s demeaning and offensive joke illustrates traditional concepts of masculinity and femininity held by socially conservative individuals. Women demonstrating competitive aggression and strength were subversive to Frank, who classified these attributes as essentially male; women who act “like men” (according to Frank’s narrow definition of gender roles) were demeaned by Frank as “dykes.” This comment emphasizes the challenges for women in sport, who experience the dysmorphia of being expected to act like athletes in some contexts but fulfill traditional femininity in others.

“Aubrey Armento that looked closely at female distance runners averaging age seventeen, three-fourths of them had disordered eating behaviors or eating disorders. Nearly half had a history of amenorrhea (absence of periods) or other menstrual dysfunction, and a shocking 42 percent had low bone mineral density.”

These findings illustrate the widespread nature of the female athlete triad. Fleshman argues that this syndrome is borne out of a culture that urges women to compete with male physiological norms of training and linear progression, which is not realistic for developmentally normal women. The theme Male Physiology and Sexism Shaping Norms in Women’s Sports is evident in the widespread illness of these young women.

“‘What were you last year at NCAAs when you were fifth?’

‘I think about 122.’

‘What are you now?’

‘Maybe 135?’ I had a vague memory of a gym scale at some point.

Vin raised his eyebrows and said nothing for a moment. I could see there was a problem.

He suggested again that I eat healthier. I asked if he had any tips and he got squirmy. ‘I’m not the right person to ask. You know the basics; eat your vegetables, cut down on the junk. Look at the food pyramid.’”

Problematically, Lananna shamed Fleshman about her weight gain and implied that it was the reason for her slower times, but he offered no practical advice on how she should safely attempt to lose the weight. Fleshman positions readers to reflect that, in a sport rife with disordered eating, this was irresponsible leadership.

“When I decreased my fat intake and began reading food labels and keeping a food log with calorie counts, adjusting my habits according to my interpretation of nutrition science, my period became irregular. Reproductive hormones are the first line of defense in times of caloric restriction. Since I read it was typical for athletes to have irregular periods, I took it as evidence that the plan was working.”

Fleshman’s experience illustrates how easy it is for women to fall into unhealthy food control behavior, particularly in sports that favor slimmer builds. Furthermore, her experience with amenorrhea illustrates the interrelatedness of the components of the female athlete triad.

“I started to feel like a pro athlete when the first big box of Nike gear arrived at my parents’ house. By then I’d already traveled to four countries, ridden luxury buses escorted by police convoys to compete at enormous stadiums, and raced some of the best distance runners in the world.”

Empowerment and Joy From Running is explored in Fleshman’s excitement at the perks of being a pro athlete, including traveling the world to compete internationally and being treated to free swag, accommodation, and transport. Although Fleshman critiques a lot of the embedded norms within the world of athletics, she also celebrates the amazing opportunities it brought her.

“Every sports marketing executive I met with was a cisgender white man. Two asked if I had a boyfriend, and when I said no, they said ‘Good.’ I was a more valuable marketing asset as a single woman. When we got to the topic of marketability, I presented my vision for helping change girls’ sport and reach a female audience in the process. They acted like my ideas were cute. The audience that mattered wasn’t girls. One said, ‘Men are the ones that watch sports, not women. The female athletes worth watching are the ones that appeal to men. It’s gross, but it’s the way it is.’”

Fleshman discovered more about the deeply ingrained culture of sexism within running when she became a pro athlete. Female athletes are not necessarily sponsored for their talent, but rather for a combination of talent and sexual appeal, leading to a sole focus on women who are lean, white, and conventionally attractive. This is based on the attitudes of male marketing executives, who believe that the majority of sports viewers are male and that these men are more interested in the sexual appeal of female athletes, rather than their athletic ability. Later, as an athlete and ambassador with Oiselle, Fleshman tries to widen the bounds of athletic sponsorship.

“Restrictive eating habits and cross-training for weight management were—and still are—conflated with discipline. But they’ve also shown themselves to be killers of careers.”

Fleshman examines the intersection of the themes The Power of Resilience and Hard Work and Male Physiology and Sexism Shaping Norms in Women’s Sports. For female athletes, strenuous training—even when injured in the form of cross-training—and careful monitoring of caloric intake are synonymous with the hard work necessary to make it as a competitive runner. However, this culture fails to center the importance of rest, which is especially vital for women, who need menstrual regularity to fully heal from injury and exhaustion.

“Jesse was the best part of that year. We had grown out of a lot of our bullshit. He wasn’t acting distant in the face of my drive, or resentful of my success. He had an identity at work that gave him confidence outside of sport. He was showing up in real ways to help me. And humbled by the injuries and losses I’d experienced while we were apart, I was a more empathetic partner. I allowed myself to soften around him.”

Through Jesse, Fleshman learned about the power of human connection in enduring life’s inevitable ups and downs. Instead of distracting Fleshman from her running career, as she had feared when she was younger, Jesse helped Fleshman reach her full potential.

“I stopped moving when I couldn’t find any professional athletes in it. No Sanya Richards, the brilliant Jamaican American sprinter and recent Olympic medalist; no Suzy Favor Hamilton, the most recent face of American women’s track. There were, however, lots of thin models with perky breasts.”

The beginning of Fleshman’s career of advocacy began at the moment she looked through the Nike catalog. Although she herself was a sponsored athlete with Nike, Fleshman was shocked and disappointed to see models wearing Nike’s athleticwear, rather than women participating in genuine athleticism. This inspired Fleshman to write to Nike’s CEO, which eventually culminated in the “Objectify Me” campaign, which received public and industry endorsement.

“A flagship Nike Goddess store was opened specifically for women and rather than have a woman design it, they sent their best guy out to do research on what women wanted. ‘Women weren’t comfortable in our stores,’ John Hoke, the renowned designer behind the store concept, explained. ‘So I figured out where they would be comfortable—most likely in their own homes. The [women’s] store has more of a residential feel.’”

Fleshman’s tone is derisive when she explains that Nike “sent their best guy” to find out what women wanted. Their sexist and backward findings—that women would most likely feel comfortable in their own homes—illustrate the pitfalls of men guessing at what women want, rather than centering women in business decisions about female marketing. Fleshman’s move from Nike to Oiselle—a company founded by a female CEO and run with intentionally feminist values—is foreshadowed in Nike’s clear sexism.

“Sara Slattery tried to pass, and I did my best to be in the way; I even poked my elbows out at one point to deter her, a blatant violation that should have disqualified me. I was racing like someone desperate, a version of myself I’d never seen before, and I didn’t like it.”

In retrospect, Fleshman realizes that her single-minded focus on making the Beijing Olympic team caused her to lose sight of her integrity as well as her inherent love of running. After this loss, Fleshman actively recentered her reasons for running; this had a positive impact on her mindset as well as her career.

“While my teammates were setting lifetime bests, I was sharing humbling stories of starting over. People were hungry for stories. Teachers, parents, doctors, students, and all kinds of people I didn’t expect were seeing their emotions and experiences reflected in the pro sport world, submitting questions, and commenting on my posts.”

The success of Fleshman’s blog illustrates the power of humility and story in fostering connection. Struggle is universal, and Fleshman realizes that her running journey is relatable to more people than just runners. This comes to exemplify Fleshman’s approach to sport and to life, and it brings far more fulfillment than her previous focus on winning, inculcated by the competitive industry.

“In the high altitude of Font Romeu, France, where my team was based for the summer, I went for solo runs in the foothills, my feet dancing around rivulets of runoff from the rain, feeling the company of ghosts that walked these ancient footpaths between villages before there were cars. I went on walks through the neighborhoods, stopping to feel the crepe-paper petals of the giant red poppies. Every other day, I went to the rubber-worn track to attempt the hardest workouts of my life.”

Fleshman tempered hard work with a focus on joy and presentness. Her mindful and playful approach to running is illustrated in the verb “dancing” as well as in her stopping to feel the petals of flowers. This passage illustrates an intersection of the themes Empowerment and Joy From Running and The Power of Resilience and Hard Work and illustrates Fleshman’s newfound realization that winning isn’t everything.

“According to Nike, making the Olympics and medaling was what it took to sell shoes; by their definition, I was deemed a failed marketing asset. I couldn’t help but laugh. The professional sports industry was still stuck on the traditional masculine ideals of aggression and competition that drove the creation of organized sports in the late nineteenth century, long before women were allowed to participate. Winning still mattered, of course, but it wasn’t the only thing that mattered to sports fans. Being a whole person was powerful, but the economics of sports (defined and maintained by men) didn’t leave much space for that. Contracts penalized the rocky road inherent to life, especially the one commonly traveled by women.”

Fleshman gained confidence from her pursuits outside of running and refused to be viewed merely as a “failed marketing asset,” as her entrepreneurship and massive online community proved to her that she is valuable despite not having achieved Olympic glory. She continues to problematize the inherent sexism and inhumanity of sporting sponsorships, which harshly penalize athletes for erring from a path of constant (and unrealistic) success. Her move from Nike to Oiselle is foreshadowed.

“With my fertile years numbered, I felt like I had to choose between being a mother and being an athlete.”

Nike’s conception of pregnancy as an injury that justifies a 12-month pay suspension made Fleshman’s dreams of being a mother and an athlete seem incompatible. Nike’s inherent sexism, which underpins their business decisions, continues to be revealed, and Fleshman’s move to the more female-centric Oiselle continues to be foreshadowed.

“Unsure how to effect policy change, I tried to use honest storytelling as preventative medicine, and social media as zinc to stop a cold before it gets too bad.”

This metaphor conveys Fleshman’s view that the preoccupation with female “race weight” and fat reduction in distance running is actively making young women sick. She hopes, through storytelling about her own journey and the journeys of those around her of women who succumbed to RED-S and female athlete triad syndrome, to safeguard young women in the sport and help them to maintain a long-term, positive relationship with the sport and with themselves.

“He lit into her for her poor performance, blaming her weight. Nobody under the tent stood up for her. Nobody challenged Alberto’s power. I felt too frightened to say something while Alberto was there—a shameful weakness of resolve I still regret to this day. In 2019, when Mary came forward in an opinion documentary for the New York Times, I would learn, along with the rest of the world, how dark that moment had been for her. Afterward, she had contemplated suicide and cut herself.”

Young female athlete Mary Cain suffered under the punitive leadership of Alberto Salazar, who blamed her for her performance inconsistency, rather than seeking to understand it through the lens of normal female physiology, furthering the emphasis on the consequences of Male Physiology and Sexism Shaping Norms in Women’s Sports.