Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Beattie discusses the concept of detachment as a crucial aspect of self-care for codependents.

Attachment, in the context of codependency, refers to becoming overly involved and entangled with the problems and people in one’s life. This can manifest as excessive worry, obsession, control, and emotional dependence. Beattie emphasizes that worrying and obsessing are futile and do not solve problems. Instead, they keep codependents mentally entangled and detached from themselves, leading to a loss of personal power and control.

In contrast, detachment is a healthier alternative. Beattie clarifies that detachment is not a cold, hostile withdrawal or a resignation to life’s problems. Instead, it is ideally a disengagement from unhealthy entanglements with others’ lives and responsibilities, as well as from problems one cannot solve. Detachment is based on the premise that everyone is responsible for themselves and that worrying does not help.

Detachment involves living in the present, accepting reality, and having faith in oneself, a higher power, and the natural order of things. It requires letting go of regrets about the past and fears about the future, and trusting that everything will work out for the best.