Before I Die

Although family and community are central in this book, its view of marriage and traditional heterosexual courtship is more skeptical. Tessa’s best friend Zoey, her boyfriend’s mother Sally, and Tessa’s own mother struggle with the limits placed on women’s lives. They chafe at the roles that are required of them, ultimately finding a balance between the pull of love and their desire for independence.

Tessa’s mother and Zoey are on the surface similarly wayward characters. They are both independent, risk-taking loners, sexually and otherwise. Tessa’s mother comes from a wealthy family, and she seems to view her relationship with Tessa’s working-class father as just an adventure. She left the family for another man when Tessa was 12; she then left this man for a series of menial jobs in exotic places. Despite the fact that since Tessa’s illness, her mother has provisionally settled down, Tessa senses that this outward domestication—moving into an apartment nearby and rekindling a romance with Tessa’s father—will not last. Tessa’s mother is an inherently flighty character whose has great difficulty forming lasting ties even with her own family. 

Zoey, on the other hand, wants to find a way to settle down. Her rebellious promiscuity has its roots in her cold and unloving family.